I’ve been in business for myself for a long time. 14 years and counting as a full time business owner – over multiple businesses.

Marketing company, media business, website designer, hair salon owner, photographer, landscaper, investor… the list goes on and on.

But even before becoming an adult, as a teenager and even a kid I started little hustles or side businesses to try and put a little bit of cash in my pocket.

The first memory I have in this regard, is dragging my 4 year old sister around my grandparents neighbourhood trying to sell little egg carton and tissue paper chickadees we had glued and taped together. We crumpled tissue paper, and stuffed it inside the cut-out cardboard egg carton cell, then glued on googly eyes and a little yellow beak.

The quality was easily that of a gifted 5 year old (not really)… and went around the neighbourhood, trying to sell them for 50 cents each. We only had one buyer. The kind old lady, and friend of my grandparents who lived across the street from their house.

I remember after getting our first (and only) sale we rushed back to my grandparents house with a shiny 25 cent piece each. Not much, but it was definitely a win for a couple of little kids, with nothing to do during summer break, at their grandparents house.

Another summer, a couple years later, or maybe the next year while we were house sitting my grandparent’s place for a couple weeks. I remember a neighbourhood friend and I dug out all my Grandpa’s carrots, that were half grown, so we could sell them on the sidewalk for 10 cents each. After all, they were delicious and who wouldn’t pay 10 cents for something so fresh from the garden.

Unfortunately, my Mom caught us and put an end to it quickly. While we were walking down the pathway between the house and the driveway, carrying a wheelbarrow full of what I considered orange gold we were done for. Friend sent home, and well, I had some explaining to do.

As a teenager I bought my own lawnmower for $25 and started mowing lawns around town. It was a great job during the summer months allowing me to make some cash. During the winter I delivered newspapers to almost everyone in the small town of 350 people where I grew up in Northern Ontario. Let me tell you getting full snow gear on every morning for a 4k walk, at -40 degrees in the middle of January is not something a kid of 12 actually likes doing.
But I did it.

We Never Asked How – We Just Did

You were always willing to take a risk.

As a kid you never worried about “How you were going to do something”. You never spent your nights lying awake in bed worrying about how something couldn’t be done. You just went and did it. If we had an idea we jumped right in.

Sometimes it was dangerous (like repelling down the side of a 60 foot cliff, with a leather belt and a piece of rope), sometimes it was stupid (balancing on my Dad’s new canoe while I knocked a hornets nest off the garage), and sometimes we got in trouble for it — (Pulling up my Grandpa’s garden so I could sell carrots on the street corner, like the king of the carrot pimps).

If we asked how, we asked it in a constructive way.

We were problem solvers, and asked how we could do something. Usually the thought of it can’t be done, or we can’t do that, or look at what johnnys doing ( I could never do that ), never ever crossed our minds.

If it was in the yard, or in the neighbourhood, we would go for it.

Fast forward 20 years, and I found myself at the helm of my first real business. A web design and media company I started with a colleague from the previous job where our whole division got laid off.

And I found myself asking a whole bunch of Hows. Not just positive hows either. Hows that would lead me down a path of lack.

I’ll explain…

The Three Hows

There are 3 real scenarios where we encounter the question How. How we approach those questions and how we re-frame those questions lead us down different paths.

One path is filled with abundance and possibilities and the other comes from a position of not enough (Scarcity or Lack). Not enough money, not enough time, not enough resources, not enough people, not being good enough.

When we ask HOW from a position of feeling defeated, or when we are at a loss for solutions we can easily come up with reasons why something is impossible.

Our brains justify where we are now, by limiting what we view as possible, even if other people around us are proving us wrong by doing the impossible themselves. What we don’t know holds us back, it’s our brains way of keeping us safe.

It also doesn’t help that it tends to be our default mode when we’ve been slugging through our life trying to make ends meet, or have been dealing with a tough go in our relationships.

It turns out we’re asking the wrong questions and looking at HOW from the wrong angles. A simple change of frame can make all the difference.

1. How Far I’ve Come VS How Far I Have to Go!

A few years ago I had the privilege of taking part in an elite performance program from Todd Herman – A high performance coach who trains elite athletes around the world for professional sports and the olympics.

I wasn’t training for the olympics, but this program was for business owners who wanted to accomplish more throughout the year, and he was teaching the system and processes he’s used to get elite performance out of the athletes, business owners, and executives he’s mentored.

He told me that the way we look at our success determines how we move forward in life. Even in the short term. When we are on our path and we’re following the direction we’ve set our for ourselves it’s our view of the world that makes all the difference. It separates the winners who go on to accomplish great things, and the people who get to the midpoint and quit. He told this story…

The story of two mountain climbers.

There are two men climbing mount Kilimjaro, they’re both the same height 6’1, both in roughly the same shape, and everything about them is coincidentally very similar. They finish their climb for day one, eat supper, set up their tents and get settled for the night. The next morning both men get up, but one of the men decides he’s not going on, he’s had enough and he turns back and starts heading down the mountain.

No one knew why he decided to turn back, while the other man decided to head for the summit. Giving that both men were almost physically identical performance wise.

This was very interesting to Todd and his team. Why would two men who were both very similar start up the mountain together but split up on Day 2 – One heading for the summit, and one heading for home?

They wanted to know the answer. To their business, and our success the answer could be huge. So they invested hundreds of hours interviewing athletes, other climbers, and other high performance people on why this happens, and this is what they found.

When the man who decided to turn back arrived at camp at the end of day one, he had been climbing all day, head down, watching his footsteps, one after the other, make pace all the way up the mountain. Once he reached camp, he lifted his head and looked up the mountain and saw how far he still had to go to reach the peak – It was a long way – That vision of the summit, combined with how exhausted he felt after the first day’s climb (which I’m sure he was in pain) was too much for him, and he decided to turn around and go home.

His imagination got a hold of him and he could see how much of a struggle it was going to be to get to the summit of the mountain. He let his fear take over. His imagination and his pain forced him to end his climb short, heading back down the mountain.

He could only see how far he had left to go to get to where he wanted to be.

How many times have you done that in your life?

I once wrote an article titled the fear of pain is worse than the pain itself. It was after I had lost 100lbs with swimming, exercise, gym and diet. The idea being that we create stories and tell ourselves fairy tales about what we imagine the pain, or struggle is going to be before we even do something, causing us to quit or not get started.

How many times have you stopped yourself from having an uncomfortable conversation because you imagine the pain and frustration it’s going to bring up?

How many times have you stopped yourself from trying to initiate sex with your wife, because of the fear of rejection, and the number of times she’s already turned you down?

How many times have you started a project, then left it half way because you realized how far you still have to go? Renovations are a great example. You’re pumped up, you get started, only to find out that 3 days in, there is still a lot to do and a long way to go. So you put the project on hold for something a little easier, or attractive.

How many times have you told yourself you’re going to the gym only you end up not going?

Instead you spend hours trying to psych yourself up to get going? But, you still imagine the pain and exhaustion you’re going to feel during the workout. The possible humiliation you’ll feel stepping into the gym as an overweight guy who hasn’t lifted anything but a burger in 5 years. The looks from others as they judge you.

So you don’t go.

You make excuses. I don’t have time. I don’t have the money. I need new shoes — My wife has used that one a lot (I think she’s on her third pair of new runners now).

But it’s all in your head. It’s your perception that’s screwing with you. The reality is that once you get to the gym, you’re going to push yourself and it’s going to feel great. You’ll be applauded by other gym goes simply for showing up because they know how hard it can be to get motivated – They were there too.

The only judgements you get are positive ones, because you’re clearly stepping out of your comfort zone and working to make a change.

I work with a lot of gym owners in the fitness industry. We help them get more clients, and fill their studios with people who want to get healthy.

My job is to know the psychology of men and women who want to get fit.

One thing I always have to remind my clients about is that people don’t want to work out. They’re selling a product that their customers don’t actually want. Yes they want to get in shape, yes they want to be healthy and fit, but they’re sitting in your parking lot bargaining with themselves to go in, imagining the pain and struggle they’re going to endure over the next hour, and they’re trying to not psych themselves out before they step through the gym doors

They’re quite literally on the fence ready to zoom home, at the slightest hint of an excuse.

That’s because they’ve experienced the temporary discomfort of working out for a week or two without feeling like they’ve made a lot of progress. They can see their future and how much work it will take to get in the shape they imagine – and the future looks painful.

What they don’t notice however is the small, but powerful changes they’ve already started noticing in their every day. How it’s easier to get off the couch. How those steps at work aren’t so difficult. How they can bend down and pick something off the ground with groaning. They’re only looking at the distance to the summit, and not back down the mountain and all the little wins that got them to where they are.

They say with going to the gym, you need 4 weeks to see a difference in yourself, and 6 weeks for others to start noticing a difference. You didn’t put the weight on fast, it’s not going to come off fast.

When you look up the mountain and see how far you still have to go. Seth Godin calls this The Dip. It’s at a point in most projects where your enthusiasm has been used up, and you realize everything isn’t going to be as easy as you first imagined. You’re going to have to put in some real work. But when you get past the dip, everything starts to take off at a spectacular pace.

Here’s what they found out about the climber who reached the summit. 

They found that with the climber who didn’t throw in the towel and kept marching toward the summit that he had a very similar experience heading up the mountain, but when he reached camp for the day, his outlook was completely different.

Just like the other climber, he was climbing up the mountain, one foot in front of the other, making pace to camp, just like the other guy, but when he reached camp, instead of looking up and seeing the summit, imagining how much farther he still had to go, he looked backward down the trail.

He looked down the mountain and saw how far he had already come. His first feeling was an accomplishment. Then he looked up the mountain to see how far he still had to go, and took pride in the challenge because he knew he could do it.

And this is the trap a lot of us fall into, we only look at how far we have to go to get where we want to be, without ever looking back at how far you’ve already come.

By first looking at how far he had already come, he saw the progress he had made. He was proud and excited by what he had already accomplished. This made him excited and energized for the next day’s climb. After that mental game was easy.

It’s easy for us to get caught up in the future, imagining the pain, frustration, heartache and struggle we have lying ahead of us. But if we take a minute to look down the mountain, we can see how far we’ve actually come, and the progress (even if it seems small) that we’ve already made.

This is why I love the idea of success indicators.

Success Indicators

It can be hard to see how much progress you’ve made along your path, if you don’t make a point to stop and take notice.

If you don’t keep track of how far you’ve come or refuse to look down the mountain you stand there looking up at the peak which seems so far away.

In the Mansanity App there is a journaling technique I adopted from one of our mentors Jesse Elder – he suggests for an evening routine that you write out 3 to 5 success indicators that you did or noticed during the day that shows you that you’re making progress on the right path.

So think about it…

What are three things you did today – even if they’re small – that proves that you’re working toward your goal, and you’re making progress?

Once you write out those indicators, which are like looking back down the mountain path, you then write out how you want to feel when you wake up in the morning.

Just like the mountain climber who popped out of his tent energized and excited to tackle the rest of the climb, you get to set how you want to feel when you wake up in the morning.

I tend to write something like “I want to wake up at 6 am, energized and excited to tackle day, ready to rock my morning exercises, and greet my family with incredible energy.” The more specific you can be better.

This sets your foundation for the next morning. By stating how you want to wake up, you’re more likely to actually wake up in that state. When you set your intention the night before, the first thing you think about when you open your eyes is “How did I want to wake up – Oh Yeah – excited and energized to tackled the day”. When you go to bed, excited for the next day, you’re almost guaranteed to wake up on time, feeling refreshed, and ready to go.

Social Media Widens The Perceived Gap.

When you’re focused on how far you have to go, Social media doesn’t help things at all. In fact it makes things worse. It ends up being a tool we use to compare how we’re doing with everyone else on Social Media – and apparently everyone but us is doing AMAZING!

It’s even harder if you’re going through a rough patch. If you’re struggling to make things work with your wife. If you’re struggling financially. If you’re feeling depressed. Social Media widens the distance of where you are now, with how you feel like you should be doing compared to everyone else.

It emphasizes the message that you’re not good enough.

That’s because people only show the good things -or- the made up good things on social media. They emphasize the fun they’re having and they’re omitting the struggle. With the exception of a few people who thrive on getting sympathy.

Sure they’re posting about the amazing vacation they had, camping with their family, living it up on the beach – but they’re not showing you the $7 they have in their bank account and their struggle to figure out how they’re going to get home – True Story.

Social media lets you show the world what you want them to see – The perfect family – meanwhile the kids and wife are living in fear that if they do the wrong thing – they’ll get another beating, or he’ll take an axe to the kitchen table again. – Another True Story.

It’s all about perception.

It’s supersized if you have an online business, or you have competitors who know how to advertise well using social media. You see everything they’re doing, and you start to compare yourself and where you are now, with where it looks like they are.

And it always looks like they’re killing it. That’s why they say, “Nothing Succeeds Like the Perception of Success” – But what if you’re the one stuck there comparing yourself to that perceived success?

The reality is that they’re most likely stuck in the same boat as you. Doing everything they can to get their piece of the pie. But trust me, there is more pie to go around than you can even think about shoving in your pie hole.

Hell it’s even the same if you’re comparing Man toys, or relationships, or lifestyle. Your friend Bob gets a new truck, a new 5th wheel, a new sled, a new wife, is going on vacation again, and the first thing we think is – Fuck I don’t have that. I can’t afford that. How the hell can he afford that?

We’re slammed into a place of lack and scarcity. It can be hard to see the opportunity and come from a place of abundance. Telling yourself – if he can do it, so can I. Or to see how far you’ve already come, compared to how far you still have to go. Looking up at the summit VS. Looking down at how far you’ve already come up the mountain.

We may have a huge distance to go but we’re still making progress and getting there one step at a time. Where we run into problems is when we refuse to look back and stick ourselves with imagining how hard and painful our new path is going to be for us.

Asking ourselves “How can I even get there from here when it’s going to be so hard?”

The 3 Day No Social Challenge

Last year the wife and I did a 3 day no Social Media timeline challenge. The rules are that you can still go in and engage in your groups, or your pages, or anything you’re specifically interested in, but you cannot go in and browse the timeline or sit there and watch videos.

Here’s what I learned from that experience.

First of all, it was a huge relief not seeing everyone’s posts, drama, bullshit, or bragging every day. There was no seeing what Mike (the guy I haven’t talked to since high school) was doing at the beach on Saturday. Or what BS Shelly was peddling about her new amazing weight loss lifestyle. Who The FUCK cares what everyone else was up to – I was at home – being present and focused on the time I was spending with the family – or on work.

Second, I had no one else to compare myself and my progress to other than myself. Being a business owner and on social media, you see what your competition is doing all the time. You think to yourself FUCK Why am I not doing that. Then… Fuck I can’t do it now, they’ve already done it. I have to think of something else. I focused. I worked, and I got shit done without distractions. Providing solid value, and not diving into what XYZ was doing now.

Third, there was no being sucked into shit ads that are designed to pull you in deeper. Facebook is a platform for advertisers more than it is a platform for you to connect with your friends. We use Facebook and Instagram every day to help our clients get in front of targeted people they want to attract to their business. And we can do it easily because those platforms are built to know exactly what you and I are interested in and put ads in front of us that we’ll click on.

Fourth. There was no searching for the meaning of life. I find that when browsing social media I’m looking for something to fill the void of my life. Rather than just working toward my goal. I’m looking for the thing that is going to bring meaning to my life and give me an Aha moment.

It never comes, but we get dragged into it anyway. Social Media platforms like Facebook are designed by casino engineers, and gaming specialists to keep you coming back. To train you to open your phone and waste more time flipping through other people’s BS.

That’s because like I said in point three, it’s an advertising platform, and the more time you spend in the system, the more ads they deliver to your phone, and the more money they make.

Fifth. By not engaging in any of the social media timeline BS, I spent more time on meaningful tasks. I worked more on my own projects. I got my other work done faster, and I was just plain happier. I wasn’t comparing where I was in my business and my life to where everyone else was. I just knew what I needed to do, and I got it done.

To this day I still take time away from social media and make it a habit to not spend too much time in the Facebook timeline, looking for that post, or message, or ad that is going to bring more value to my life.

I have spent more time engaging with the people around me, putting down the phone, and spending more time with my kids and family. Working to bring value to everyone else’s life.

This brings me to…

THE END of PART ONE